Today: Boring as crap. I am still alive though, and the reason today was boring is that I had so much free time on my hands. Who'd a thunk it? I thought I'd never have free time ever ever again. I mean, yeah, there's stuff I could be doing, but it's not due quite yet and I've got a good start on it. Unfortunately most of my friends are still busy as crap, so I can't throw a party or anything.

So, a meaningless speculation. Why have I suddenly started eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again? I mean, it's weird enough to want to eat an extra meal at 8 or 9 in the evening, but to eat pb&j is even weirder. I ate pb&j every day in kindergarten. I wouldn't let Mom pack anything else (or so she says). Then, after kindergarten, I hated them with a passion. I wouldn't eat them if you paid me. Now, all of a sudden, after 'growing up' I'm eating pb&j again. Why?

Although to tell you the truth I don't feel any more mature than when I left home. If anything I feel less mature. I feel like I've gone into my second childhood without ever really leaving the first. I feel like I'm 'dressing up' as a grown-up, and one of these days, like when I go home for the summer, I'll take off the dress-up clothes and go back to being fifteen. But I've probably already told everyone that at least once. And, weird as it seems, I'm stuck in a semi-adult state for a good few years yet. I don't think I can revert back to non-grown-up anymore than I can fast-forward to completely-grown-up-and-forty-five-years-old.

So what makes an adult? What is maturity? Can I be done with immaturity yet? Or am I stuck with some measure of immaturity for the next fifty years? Can I speed up this adult process/thing? Because let me tell you, I'm kinda tired of being in between. I mean, I love frolicking and having fun, but I hate the immaturity I find in myself sometimes. And then I hear myself talking, and I'm like, "Wow, she is insufferable. When did she get so stuffed-shirt? She needs to be a kid again." After which the whole cycle starts again. Gah!

I told you it was meaningless speculation. But no, you had to go read it anyway. Serves you right if you're bored.