Alas! Alack! Oh lackaday! Jenn won't get here until this evening.... What am I going to do with myself until then? Granted, I've already wasted away half the morning, but just think of all the empty hours stretching before me ....
OK, way too melodramatic, even for me. I'll prob'ly clean my room (so, y'know, you can actually walk in it) and then I'll prob'ly write some more. I've got two or three other stories up my sleeve, and since I've actually finished two bits of fiction recently I'm pretty optimistic about finishing these other ones.
I'm not sure why, but I find myself writing extensively about despair and death right now. It strikes me as weird, because I'm happier and more fulfilled-feeling than I've ever been. Well, maybe not ever but at least in a good long time. So why, at this point, am I writing about all kinds of depressing things? Why not light-hearted frivolity? Why did the frivolity come when I was miserable? I tell you, in ninth grade I wrote the silliest stuff, and I was totally despairing. Now, I'm joyful, and I'm writing about despair, darkness, and death. How completely ironic is that? Why on earth does writing work that way?!
If you have any answers, please inform me ASAP (that's French for now).
P.S. Lemony Snickett is very good. The movie I mean. It's quite funny and ironically enough ends on a rather happy note. (If you've read the books, you know why that's so ironic. If not, read the books. Not all of them of course. That would be depressing. But I highly recommend reading at least one or two.) If you're a stickler for the books though and are hoping that the movie follows it exactly, don't go see it. You'll hate it. But if you want something witty and frivolous to watch, by all means, go to the local movie theatre immediately.
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Miss Anonymous here ... alas, all the mystery of that moniker is wasted because you already KNOW who I am. I don't think you're the only one who thinks about death when you are at your happiest. Whenever I'm in an area dripping with the gorgeousness of nature, or listening to an excellent jazz band in a small coffee house, or stick my hands into the warm earth at the first sign of spring, the thought always pops into my head that, "Ok, I'm ready now, take me." What I've discovered is that this almost suicidal feeling is actually a longing for one's true home, heaven. It's at these most happiest of times that true Christians get a glimpse of what the next life is like. It's just a little tug at that grey rain curtain ....
I have a good guess who you are, but about four people leave anonymous messages on my blog without signing their names in the text. So signing your name is prob'ly a good idea.
I love that description of sailing west to the home of the Eldar (I forgot what it's called - Valamar? Valinmar? Valdamar? Something like that?) and I was so glad they included it in the movie.
Oh good, I'm not the only one who feels (for lack of a better word, since suicidal doesn't exactly fit) fey at the happiest times.
No, I'm not saying in any way, shape, or fashion that feelings for death are the mark of a true christian and that if you are one, you will have these feelings. That is logically false. There are plenty of people who dream about death who are not Christians. Many Christians do not share these same feelings. Besides, I hate to characterize this feeling as being suicidal. It's a longing for home feeling. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this beautiful world. Take me on a hike through the Appalachians and I'll love you forever. But, as Paul said, "To live is Christ, but to die is gain."
~ Miss Anonymous a.k.a. Candace
Yeah, I worded my first comment incorrectly. It should be "at times like these, many Christians perhaps get a glimpse of heaven." And yes, there are Christians that feel suicidal and it's nowhere close to having that deep, happy, satisfaction that characterizes the other feeling. I think I finally got my thoughts into order.
~ Candace
Thanks for the clarifications Candace. Even though I've written exactly nothing for the past two days, I hope you keep reading....
I sometimes wonder, does ANYBODY read this thing? And if so, why? Does it not annoy you?
Perfect. It's only at times that we see what is beyond that we can face the dreaded door.
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