Stealthy?

I was sitting in history class yesterday, listening to the lecture with half an ear, taking notes almost automatically with my right hand, and trying to pick out important points with half my brain (the other half was busily praying that I'd never need to use my nearly illegible notes). Dr. Michael's lecturing style confuses me - one minute it's circular and the next it's straightforward. Or it could just be that all lectures confuse me. At least he pauses frequently so I can catch up.

"WHY do they wrap food in such LOUD wrappers?!" I thought exasperatedly as my left hand wrestled with a Famous Amos cookie bag under the table.

If you've ever tried to eat pre-fabricated and pre-packaged food during a lecture, you'll understand my frustration. They now make feminine products that open quietly, so why the crap can't they make food products that open quietly? I have no lunch break people! Give me something I can eat in class eithout bringing my professor's wrath down upon me!

And once I get the package open, my struggles are still not over! I still have to extract and eat the cookies! Do you have any IDEA how hard Famous Amos cookies are? It's almost impossible to eat them quietly. How the crap do you eat sneakily? I mean heck. You guys know me. I'm not a sneaky person. I'm transparent and a lousy liar.

I say we send out a challenge to the fabricated food industry. Give us quietly wrapped food! You could make a killing off of food specially geared for lecture classes! What kind of backwards world do we live in that we produce quietly wrapped feminine products, but our food is wrapped in the loudest materials known to man? We have stealth helicopters! Could we not have stealth food? And please, make it dummy-proof, so even I can use it. None of this "Pull tab, hold breath for five minutes, and hope it doesn't explode" crap. I don't want to feel like I have to hire a military team to successfullly extract my cookies from the bag. All I want is food, in class, quietly.

Get with it Famous Amos!