Issues, Once Again

Paxton is so funny. He recently discovered my nose ring. He reaches his hands up and makes noises until I put my head down, and then he pokes at my nose and chuckles. Hahaha. I had no idea that a nose ring made good baby entertainment, but hey, I'll take what I can get. = D

So I was thinking. Can we actually create anything beautiful without ourselves being, in some fundamental way, beautiful? Like, in the spirit, or something. Random I guess, but I was thinking as I was driving, which always leads to a few random synapse firings in the ol' brain.

Great quote: "You're going to meet with criticism no matter where you go. The question is whether you can maintain your own sense of direction while still listening to what people have to say." My answer? No. Nope. I don't have a sense of direction anymore. I find myself thinking, ooh, that would be cool, I should paint that.... but then I stop, completely terrified that I'll do it wrong. Without someone looking over my shoulder, telling me what they expect, giving me immediate feedback on request, I have no idea what I'm doing. Which is a completely unnerving experience. After years of thinking, OK, I'm going to be an artist, now suddenly.... um... well, I don't know what to do. I don't understand what happened to that sense of "Yeah, that's right, that's good." Or even that sense of "ooh, bad. Stop there. Fix it." Poof. Nada. Sigh.

And Mackenzie's Competent Moment for the Week: I a)checked the oil on Gustav, my faithful if old and odd car, b) bought the right kind of oil, and c) put that oil in. I also a) realized the coolant was low b) asked Dad what kind of coolant we needed c) bought said coolant d) mixed it up in the proper proportions, and e) added it to the car. I felt sort of grown up. And by that I mean sort of competent. Of course, I have yet to drive Gustav after adding the coolant. Let's just hope he doesn't decide to spontaneously asplode.

Ok alls. I've once again ranted about my confidence issues, my inspiration issues, and my just plain issues. I feel that my duty here is done.