Monday, July 11, 2005

the sheer irrationality of the thing pleases me

I think that if I were bald, my head would look extremely small. I wonder if there's a word for the irrational fear of bald, small-headed women?

I told Jenn that if I keep on with my current rate of my image-changing rampage, I'll end up with a peg leg and four arms. That's by way of introducing my new topic: haircuts. I want to get my hair cut. Short. I think. In theory. In theory, it would look fantastic. In actuality? Well... reality's a little harder to pin down. Input, anyone?

Today was a gorgeous day, thanks to hurricane Dennis (which is, I bet, not something often heard....). It was the perfect temperature - by which I mean you could wear a sweater and jeans and be exactly comfortable, even enjoying the breezes. Oddly enough, it reminded me of April....

I've discovered that when I talk to people I don't like, or extremely stupid people, I get very tense. And by very tense, I mean very very tense. Like, enough tension in my shoulders to hold up the Golden Gate Bridge.

Ok, honesty compels me to say that's a wild exaggeration (plus I'm not even sure the Golden Gate Bridge is held up by tension). But you get the picture.

Sigh.

I guess it's off to tea and exhaustion for me.

Goodnight all. Sleep well. Enjoy weird dreams.

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Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed's game. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:

ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a +3 arrow!
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining to Eric what a gazebo is. Thus ends the tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. It could have been worse; at least the gazebo wasn't on a grassy gnoll.

4 comments:

Andrew said...

I love crazy gamer stories. Seeing nerds do stupid things is really funny, especially if you game with them.

Andrew said...

You know, Mackenzie, a bunch of us ought to get together and play a role-playing game up at college. I wonder why no one ever thought of that?

Liz said...

LOL! I love how he didn't bother to ask what it was...just assumed it was some 15 x 30 monster with a pointy top...

jemmo said...

Kenzieeeeeeee (did I spell that right? It's supposed to sound like a long, drawn-out wail of agony. Did I get that? Or was it rather "off," as it, um, as it were?) - SAVE ME!! 'elp me! Save oi!' I think that's a Brian Jacques quote. It must be from a mole. Sorry. Shiny objects. So. SAVE ME! Or maybe just call me. Or maybe it can wait 'til Friday. Um. So. If you want to call (and I am by no means discouraging this course of action), I work tonight (Saturday) 'til after midnight, tomorrow (Sunday) from 1-8, Monday from 8-1 and 4-midnight, same thing Tuesday and am off at a decent hour, finally, Wednesday (8-1). So the only day you could call or I could call you is Wednesday, and that makes it a little pointless because I'll see you in two days anyway. So this was rather pointless. But it amused me. I leave you with a singularly apposite (is that the word I want?) quote regarding The Great Satan... and by that, I mean my job: 'I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing quite so boring as having a career.'