Thursday, August 11, 2005

Today I Cried

This is a noteworthy event because it so rarely happens.

I know, I know. I'm always majorly stressed out and just on the verge of tears.... but the tears really don't come that often. I feel like that's not really healthy, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it, so.... whatever.

I always pick the worst times to cry, too, when I do end up crying. At work, for instance. I have now officially cried at every job I've ever held. And by "at every job," I mean at the two jobs - while I was working, in front of my coworkers, both times. At least I could leave the front desk this time, so the patients didn't see me cry.

I can't even claim PMS this time. I just have bad self-control. I get mad, I end up crying all over the place, then I get mad again, this time at myself, and experience severe remorse and the full knowledge of my own stupidity. I never mean to make a big deal. I'd rather not make any kind of deal about it at all. But when it decides to come, I really don't know how to stop the crying. There's probably some sort of negative reinforcement going on here that makes me have complexes about crying, but I'm too tired and stupid to really care what it is.

And as if it's not enough to cry at work, I have now had that smushed up, dry crying-feeling behind my eyes for something like eight hours. I hate that.


I know, enough whining. Get on with life - except your screw-ups and go on with it. I'm just so tired of having to absorb screw-ups.

Someone wake me when I'm eighty, please. When I've got enough experience to maybe be called wise, enough age that my ovaries no longer work, and enough tiredness has built up to make me no longer passionately screwing up all over the place.

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