"don't wake me, i plan on sleeping in."

Hello my loves! I do plan on sleeping in this weekend. Oh heck yes I do.

I've realized that maybe running is too much to realistically expect from my life this semester. So I'm going to try and get some exercise, but maybe not running, and not necessarily every day. or if I do make myself run, maybe I will only run two days a week or something. We will see. I will figure my life out eventually.

Dave, my art advisor, was really positive about grad school and the idea of taking a year off before I go there. He noted that I already seem kind of burnt out, and grad school is too good an opportunity to waste by it being just a horrific task of a year. Also, grad school is a trial by fire in many ways. The professors are not there to nurture you as a person, they are there to critique your work, and it can be very harsh. His first year in grad school he spent thinking, "why am I here? They clearly don't like my work." I know myself, and I know that I am just now starting to have confidence in my artistic abilities. I think a year off might be good for me. I will have to see, though, I guess. A lot can change in a year and a half. I would have to work for six months somewhere anyway, 'cause I'm graduating at a strange time in December.

I'm really grateful that as things are coming up this year I'm feeling strong enough to deal with them. Going abroad? I found enough strength for that. Coming back and combining social circles? I'm feeling strong enough for that, little by little. The workload of 18 credits? I'm finding strength for that one little step at a time. And I guess that's all I can really ask, you know? To feel capable and equal to the challenges I posed for myself by becoming a double major and part of the honors program. And to find the strength to be the person I decided to be in a community sense, too, to serve the people I love in whatever little ways that I can.

Tonight is muggy, but somehow my apartment is an icebox. And hour ago Elena set the thermostat for 95 degrees. . . I am still wearing my sweatshirt! The ironies of Jesus College and their environmental policy but still-they-don't-give-us-control-of-our-thermostats is sometimes palpable.