Tuesday, April 01, 2008

finally the weather's turning

I just realized: I haven't posted since before senior show. Wow! That is a long time. In fact, I haven't posted since before spring break. If you want to read my immediate post-show reflections, you can catch up here, at my Messiah College blog.

I'm just trying to touch ground again now. The whole week before show, busy with installing (I only made it to one class period that entire week), I realized that there is a sort of purity to those days when you are so focused on a demanding project that you completely lost yourself. There is no more time to prevaricate, to distract yourself. The piece must be finished, it must be finished now. And if you are lucky, the piece is worth pouring yourself into until it's done.

Making it to church the day after show opening surprised me. One, that I was able to get up in time surprised me. Two, liturgical churches have a season of Easter, not just one Sunday. So the entire liturgy was again a celebration of Easter and resurrection, full of delight and loud, triumphant hymns. You can imagine how appropriate it felt to me! I came out of a long night, whose labor was worthwhile, into a celebration.

Now, after living in the gallery for a week, I haven't been to see my show in a couple of days, and that's alright. I've stopped worrying that it might fall down. I've never done something so ambitious, so risky, so hard, or so worthwhile (and yes, I'll admit that the fact that so many people really loved it helped make it worthwhile!).

Maybe that's why I'm letting it go without any of that post-show depression some people are feeling. I can't imagine doing anything differently, trying any harder, and in the wake of it all I'm exhausted, but things like stealing 30 minutes for video games, the sun today instead of the predicted thunderstorms, the taste of tomatoes, the sound of the Flaming Lips in my ears -- everything has a little more savor, a little more delight taken in the fact that I am taking time to notice them.

It sounds dramatic, but it's true. There's still a lot to do, but one gigantic load is gone from my shoulders. And I'm a little sad that there are no more nights of camaraderie in the gallery working, but mostly it is all very good.

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