every psychopath has his own magazine these days

Or, in my case, a blog!

I had the dress-up dream again last night.

I walk into my old room on Ash Drive and open the closet to get dressed for church (although I'm pretty sure it's not a Sunday in my dream). Every piece of dress-up clothing I've ever owned (and some that I'm pretty sure I just made up) is hanging in the closet, but I can't find anything to wear to church. I start going through the closet and trying on every single piece of clothing, sometimes four or five at a time, hoping that if I put them and think hard enough they'll turn into what I want to wear to church, or that if I layer enough of them they'll suddenly start looking super cool.

This repeats until I wake up, sometimes interlaced with hunting for a mirror or the bathroom, neither of which I ever find. I think it surfaced again because of sophomore review tomorrow. I mean, it's definitely an anxiety dream, and I've been pretty fixated on deciding what I'm going to wear tomorrow, so put the two together and there you go....

Today was a rough day. I mean, Wednesdays are always long, but today's been super long. I cried in photo class, which is just not a socially acceptable thing to do. I didn't even realize I was going to get all emotional until I started talking about one of my photos. I mean, I knew it was pretty important, and I knew that it had emotional meaning, but I didn't know it was that much of a tear-jerker. And also I cried on and off all afternoon after that because I'm just really stressed out and I can't handle feeling like a social misfit on top of everything else I've got to do. But at least it's better to cry because I made art that's important to me than to cry because my boyfriend broke up with me or something silly like that...right? (Not that crying when your boyfriend breaks up with you is silly per se, it's just not the sort of thing you ought to cry in class about. If you're that distraught about it, don't go to class.)

And on top of everything else, I had to go to a study-abroad orientation meeting tonight. Right. in. the. middle. of. deadline. night. (d'you like how the extra periods give preternatural weight to every word? Good device: will be used later.) So that practically guarantees that I'll be up until 2 or 3 a.m. In order to cope with sophomore review, I'd like more than just a few hours' sleep. I would also not like to have to go to bioethics, as well as be able to skip chapel (but no, it's one required for the honors congress, dangit). Yes, I'm being totally whiny and completely breaking my Lenten vows. I'll be better next week.