"but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you"

- Yeats

I'm struggling really a lot with writer's block. I feel that I don't have time to write. I don't have time to be disciplined, to mine the images which aren't coming easily any more. Writer's block makes me irritable, but so does being stressed because I don't have time. Also, form irritates me.

I know that spring break is coming, and I want it to be now. Yes, this is me being petulant. I have no motivation. I want to be a genius and not have to do any work to become one. Poetry is hard. Art is hard. Paying attention in classes you hate is hard. I hate bioethics. And also art history seems to be getting boringer and boringer.

I'd better get all this complaining off my chest now, because Lent is coming up soon. I forget what Lent is supposed to be about. I've never been to an Ash Wednesday service. I had a friend in middle school, on the swim team, Rachel, who was Catholic, and she came to practice one night with ashes on her forehead. She also asked if peanut butter was considered a meat or not - because she couldn't eat meat (unless it was fish) on Fridays or something. I forget.

In conclusion, "Portugese poet Fernando Pessoa so wanted a literary community that he created one with his own imagination. Writing under his own name as well as invented "heteronyms," including Ricardo Reis, Alberto Caeiro, and Alvaro de Campos, he created hundreds of poems under dozens of identities. His imaginary creations wrote letters to each other and to the editors of magazines in which they praised or criticized each other’s work, and had extensively developed biographies and styles, becoming friends and supporters, mentors, or enemies of each other and their creator."

I find that funny.

"Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body I would break
Into blossom."

-James Wright

"his facial hair irks me"

So, this whole catching up on sleep thing isn't going as quickly as I'd like. I'm supposed to get a couple good nights' sleep and then be as good as new, but it seems more like I'm getting a couple good nights' sleep and... my body still hates me when I wake up. How unfair is that? Also, motivation levels are rapidly dropping. I think my emotions are on a more even keel after getting adequate sleep; unfortunately, they're holding steady at the level titled "the stress is getting to me."

So yeah, all that goes to say, pray for me this week. Especially today and tomorrow. I have two big crits tomorrow, but I'm grateful that my papers got moved to Wednesday. I have no idea what I'm going to do for my research paper... but I have two more days to think about it!

just call me sheep-faced mackenzie

Well, a lot has happened this week. Emotionally it's been quite a roller-coaster, which I think has something to do with failing in the area of getting enough sleep. No matter if six hours is enough for most people, it's not enough for me. Luckily I got nine hours last night, so I'm on the way back to sanity.

I have a ton of stuff due Monday, a couple papers due Wednesday, and a lot of art history reading to catch up on. So this weekend is going to be pretty busy. Things like spring break are looming closer, and all the extra associated work (like cleaning my room) is starting to weigh on my mind. I am, however, just trying to take one day at a time... I've made it four weeks now without breaking down. If this gets to be a habit, I might make it all the way through the next seven weeks of school. = )

And when I am alone,
Oh, and when I am alone,
And when I am alone give me Jesus.

And when I come to die,
Oh, and when I come to die,
And when I come to die, give me Jesus.

You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

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So, I guess I'm feeling better about God lately.
Simply too much time and energy is being spent on school
and work and stuff to be spent on spiritual agonizations
that don't really have any kind of answer.  I'll know
when I know, if I ever know, and if I don't... well,
then, I guess I don't.  At least, that's what I'm
thinking right now. In another six months or so, who
knows?  I might have a freaking lot of spiritual
agonization going on.  = )  

"she... needs clothes."

- Professor Goode. About the Venus of Urbino (Titian's version). I think he was making some sophisticated point about the handmaidens in the background and the linear perspective present because it was inside (versus Giorgioni's Venus who was outdoors), but I thought it just plain sounded funny.

I took my first art history test today, and I think it went pretty good, considering that I only studied for three or four hours (I don't even remember how much. How long did our study party last, guys?), and the average in the class ended up being closer to eight. We'll see.

Also had a crit today for photography, which went OK. I didn't end up with any great pictures, but he was impressed with my use of filters, because I picked up on some hints and actually put them into use.

I also faced an emotional hurdle today. I wouldn't say major, but it was the first one of the semester, so I'm glad that it got faced and whatever. I didn't even cry. Maybe I won't have another one all week. Also I worked out with Meredith, which really helped my painting, because it's hard to tense up when your muscles are just plain tired. And layout today went good. I only had three hours of work instead of four like last week. I find it funny that I have three of my hardest classes so far, and also I'm working twice as much as in previous semesters. It is the kind of job I'm good at though, at least in being goal-oriented rather than time-oriented. I don't do as well with by-the-hour jobs. I don't know why. It's just the concept of it I guess. Efficiency matters with the one and doesn't really with the other. Working hard and efficiently at layout actually gains me more time for homework, which, when I say it that way, isn't as great. But in my head it sounds very good.

I scored as belonging first on serenity, then on the millenium falcon. I thought that was ironic, considering that those are the only two I actually know anything about. I also scored as Kaylee, which is funny, because I'm not at all like her. She is my favorite character though.

the post that ate the blog

Thanks to those who kindly alerted me to the fact that my last post was posted three times. When I hit the publish post, it said it couldn't publish, so I kept trying, and apparently it could publish.

I woke up this morning and realized just how much work I have to get ready for Monday. I wasted most of last night, but now I really need to get a move on.

Christy Forsythe, my weaving teacher, had a show open last night at our gallery. I wasn't sure what to expect. Certainly I didn't expect text-inspired work: delicate, subtle, almost minimalistic. The show had a couple of hangings (woven wire and colored thread), a sculpture (knitted wire and a metal frame), several artist's books (she made all the paper, and sewed the text onto the paper with her sewing machine), and these framed paper paintings (best I can do to explain them). I didn't like some of the work, of course, but overall I was impressed. My favorite was by far the "View from my Window" series. The larger series, I forget what it's called, flirted on the edge of being static, and actually slipped over the line a couple times. The larger hangings are nice, although maybe not as I expected from their size.

I know now why she liked my ideas involving integration of text and visual elements. It's an obsession she shares. So now I feel like I dismissed her teaching too quickly; because she demanded unrealistic acheivement, or because her personality sometimes irritates me, I didn't listen as closely or absorb as much as I should have. So I'm tempted to take another class from her, even though I know I'd hate it and go crazy in no time....

So yeah, that's what I thought about the show. Her talk was interesting, if elementary. I'm gonna go do my work now.